In Part 1, Permission To Be Clear, we talked about clarity. We talked about vulnerability and our willingness to surrender from the center of what we want and give voice to what we want. We talked about all of the reasons why permission becomes so vital.
Now, Part 2 is about what really matters. Click Here to view the FB Live Video. We are talking about permission in the context of what is really important. The second permission is Permission To Be Convicted.
Permission To Be Convicted
I’m not talking about indicted and thrown in jail. This is about your principles and your values. This is an opportunity to look yourself squarely in the eye and ask, “what am I really willing to go to the wall for? What is really important to me?”
I want to get really precise about this conversation. People lay out a lot of go-tos when asked this question, such as “my children” or “my family,” which are all valid but external. I want to take you to another place. In the terms of your purpose and your calling, what it is that you believe you are here to do in the world, where are you convicted? What does it mean for you to be convicted around your purpose and your calling?
Give Yourself Permission To Be Convicted
I had a really profound conversation this week with a dear friend and colleague who just left a major position in a very prominent institution. One of the things that this person discovered was that, as they extracted themselves from the institution, and got out of the environment, they realized that there had been a buildup of incidents and the environment had become hostile. Lines had been crossed, their work had been undermined, personal dynamics with the leadership was beginning to get over the line.
Five or six years ago I woke up to this conversation about workplace trauma. I began to work with people who were in high paying, high profile, high accountability type jobs. People working 150 hours a week, etc. And one of the things that became a consistent theme or anthem in these conversations was the fact that it doesn’t often happen overnight. This winds up being a slow, little by little creep where you are compromising every day in what are “little ways” that wind up becoming big ways and you don’t even realize it. When people extract themselves from these situations, only then do they realize “Oh my god, I’ve been traumatized.” This often requires a significant time off for healing. This is consistent across the board. People aren’t even able to step into a new scenario because the nature of what they’ve experienced has been so severe. The heart of this conversation is reclamation. Reclamation of their mind, body and soul. The realization that somehow they had gotten away from their conviction is what begins the healing journey. They had moved away from the values or the moral compass had suffered.
These are the kind of conversations that have actually fueled my conviction and my commitment to supporting us in a new definition of success. This is really a new definition of power and the opportunity for a new kind of liberation and realization.
Ask Yourself Conviction Questions
Where are you convicted when it comes to what you believe your purpose and your calling is?
Where is the permission showing up for you or not showing up for you?
What’s fueling my conviction in this work is a new definition that I’m carrying for success. This definition enables me to be more loving and compassionate to myself and others. This definition enables me to work with people that I genuinely love, admire and respect. This definition allows me to stand for incredible financial prosperity while also standing for high-level impact. I’m dedicating my life to being able to redefine it for themselves. I want people to stand for their right to self-define in a world that wants us to settle for the status quo.
The biggest idea I’m interested in disrupting is that we have to trade in ways that are painful in order to be successful. I’m interested in you not being self-sacrificing. I’m interesting in intersecting and disrupting the idea of martyrdom in exchange for success. I don’t believe that that is success. I believe that’s something else.
Permission To Be Convicted Reflection and Homework
As I’m sharing about where I’m convicted, I want to invite you into this conversation. I’m curious about how we are really giving ourselves the permission to be who we are, in the truth of who we are? How much permission are we giving ourselves to be about what we say we’re about?
One of my team members shared that her heartbeat right now, her conviction, is:
Sharing the message
Moving away from the status quo
These are the things that came to the top of her mind. Think of your own:
It’s easy to give yourself permission when you’re in your living room. Your next point of reflection is: what are the areas where you need to give yourself permission to be convicted? In other words, where are the places you walk in the world and need permission?
My team member shared that, for her, it is being in an environment where her work is not taken seriously. In these moments, she has to commit to not waver and share without holding back.
For me (Rha), it’s permission to have my name. In all of the places I go and all of the myriad of reactions I’ve had over the past 20 years that I”ve been embodied in this name, I have to give myself permission and give myself permission to honor what that transformation meant for me. Choosing what you want to be called is a moment of self-actualization, culture and many other factors that require you to give yourself permission.
I’ve also had to give myself permission to be seen. I’m very comfortable in the back of the room and behind the scenes. I’m very comfortable holding other people up into the light. I’ve had to give myself permission to be me and be here in the light. I don’t have to look like or embody a lot of what I’ve seen in terms of what is heralded or acknowledged as the standard.
What about for you?
Permission To Be Convicted Impacts Your Health and Well-Being
Our well-being often comes last. There’s a real habit of self neglect. In this conversation of permission to be convicted, this is about unapologetic devotion. This is being willing to love ourselves enough to be about what we’re about.
No matter whose house we’re in.
No matter what the leadership looks like.
No matter what people are doing.
This takes discipline and practice to exercise that muscle, especially when there’s little to no agreement.
Welcome to this permission.
It’s time to throw the gauntlet down.
Stand for your life.
Stand for your life’s work.
Honor your voice.
Tell the truth to yourself and others.
See the value and merit in being able and willing to do these things.
If you don’t stand for anything, you will fall for everything.
We are in a time when there is a lot of, dare I say, propaganda floating about. There are a lot of places to get hooked.
Our ability to be steadfast in our own wisdom, to be architects of our own clarity, is protected by this permission.
Defining Conviction and Keeping Your Promises
Once you get clear, you see all of that you’ve been tolerating or neglecting or not telling the truth. In this clarity (Permission Part 1), the true opportunity for ownership – in terms of conviction – shows up.
I want to lovingly challenge you all to declare what it is that you’re about and to stand in the center of that conviction. Move from that place.
Clarity puts you in a place of conviction. In that place there are promises. What does it take to keep those promises to yourself? I have to practice keeping my promises to myself every single day. It is one of the most difficult practices for me, because growing up I’d been conditioned to put everyone else first. When it comes to my promise to myself, I gotta work extra hard. I am on the court with this. Some days I hit it; some days I don’t.
How can this conversation be an opportunity for you to take it to the next level?
What are you willing to stand for?
What are you willing to fight for?
What are you willing to dream for?
These are the questions that live in the context of this second permission. What REALLY matters? Not what we pay lip service to but what really matters to you?
This is a courage conversation. What are you being called to have more courage for?
Even in the journey of our calling, there is an evolution. There will be times on the journey when you will be asked to pivot.
In the next conversation, Permission Part 3, we’re going to talk about going deep in that. Subscribe to this blog so you can be notified each time we add another Permission in this series. Follow Rha on FB to be notified when she’s going live with new content.